No Concert tonight/Fear

Because of our snowfall today and the windy conditions, the school district cancelled the concert. I can hear J sounding disappointed. Not. We bought him a shirt, tie and shoes already for the concert and now cancelled.

I am not a big fan of snow or ice. If I didn't have to drive at all in it, I wouldn't mind it too bad. Back when I was in college I had an accident on black ice and have never been the same since. My friend was going to Great Bend for an eye appointment and she didn't want to drive because the doctor would be putting drops in her eyes so she couldn't see afterwards. So we left Sterling for Great Bend and driving out there was just fine. But on the way back, it was really cold. I didn't think much of it, until we ran into some traffic on the road. They were going at a snails pace. I thought they were going too slow, not aware of the frozen roads that we were traveling on and thought I would pass them.

Then my car started to shimmy a little and I couldn't stop it. I did the wrong thing by slamming on the brakes. The car went sideways and I saw another car in the other lane coming towards me. Then I saw the ditch off onto the left side and a pole coming straight at us. I closed my eyes and screamed! My friend said that she saw her life literally passing before her eyes. When I opened my eyes, my car was over the and just touching the pole. The car wasn't damaged and we weren't injured anyway, not bodily injured. Some nice people picked us up and my friend called her dad. My friend threw up after the experience and me, well I have just carried all of my feelings about that experience these past 30 years.

Her dad, who was the registrar of my college, pulled my car out of the ditch. I followed him slowly back in the car until it started to shimmy again and I went into the ditch yet another time. I couldn't drive at all. I was so petrified. My friend drove the car to her brother's house in a nearby town and I was without a car for a few weeks. It didn't matter. I was just too scared to drive.

After the accident I couldn't bare even driving on wet roads for fear it would ice up. My mom even drove to visit my grandmother in another town and took me. I was still scared when she drove on the icy roads and it looked like an impending accident.

To this day, I have to ask L if the roads are really bad to drive for me. Now, I have a new fear, driving out of town. I tell everyone that I can drive IN town but driving out on the highway scares me to death.

I know that I probably should see a therapist or take some medication for my fears. Does anyone have a plan for me on how to get over this or give me some confidence back?